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Hello Loves, I went out for lunch with my girlfriend and her close friend. My girlfriend’s close friend was in the midst of a separation from her X. Throughout their marriage he had exhibited and acted out anger, aggression, and control of her. She had moved out of their family home and into her own… Continue reading Shame

Hello Loves, I had a long, drawn out custody case fighting for my daughter. Let me tell you one story about it. I asked the judge to appoint a guardian ad litem (GAL) for my child. I wanted her to be protected. A guardian ad litem is a court appointed lawyer that looks after the… Continue reading Guardian Ad Litem

Hello Loves, Being in family court is like being in a play. A tragic play. Like Les Miserables. Everything is an orchestrated act. The court room a grand stage. It starts with the judge, usually a white male, in their special robes dating back seven centuries, in their special chairs, at their elevated desks looking… Continue reading Judges

Hello Loves, Male violence is not biological. It’s cultural. It’s taught by family, friends, schools, communities, work, and society. My X was dominated and controlled within his family. As a child, he was naturally in tune with his feminine self. This was not okay within his family dynamics. Ever. And he was punished for it.… Continue reading Power

Hello Loves, Intimate partner violence has a lot of invisibility to it. This is where not being believed can get challenging and dangerous. This is where significant changes need to be made to laws and the judicial system. It is very hard to prove that domestic violence and abuse has happened. When you are in… Continue reading Proof

Hello Loves, Have you ever judged a woman for not making the best choices? And if they’re a mom, well forget about it. Moms are held at a Buddha-Jesus-Guanyin like level. They are supposed to attain parenting perfection daily. I’ve judged other women for their decision-making skills, even after I was out of an abusive… Continue reading Judgment

Hello Loves, A lot of people didn’t believe me. Even well-intentioned friends. That was one of the hardest realities of leaving my X, and discussing the sad fact of the abuse he inflicted on our family. The first person who didn’t believe me was my father. His words went from – relationships are tough and… Continue reading Belief

Hello Loves, How can you trust anyone ever again? This has been a question asked of me for years. Especially by women. It seems like I don’t know a single woman who has not experienced some form of intimate or nonintimate violence. To her body, her mind, her spirit. Rape, stalking, molestation, sex-trafficking, forced marriages,… Continue reading Trust

Hello Loves, I have this idea. What if we could change the paradigm, that when women and children experience violence, they escape to a shelter? Women have been protecting and sheltering women and children from abuse in their own homes, for time immemorial. The first domestic abuse shelters in Canada were created in 1965 by… Continue reading Help

Hello Loves, Talking about abuse is hard. While it was happening to me, I had no words for it. I didn’t grow up with abuse. I hadn’t seen anyone being abused. I didn’t even have the word abuse in my vocabulary. How do you pin down something so unfamiliar? That you have had no experience… Continue reading Understanding

Hello Loves, You must forgive to heal. Oh, how I disliked this declaration. It almost felt like an insult. I abhorred my X with every cell of my being. When I thought of him, my eyes narrowed and my mouth turned down in disgust. I wished terrible things upon him. Terrible things! Unless he was… Continue reading Forgiveness

Hello Loves, I still live with regret. It doesn’t come around often, but when it does, wow does it ever call up sorrow and grief. Then comes the great purging. I get out my journal and write it down. It doesn’t matter if it’s legible. I’m never going to read it again. I’m here for… Continue reading Regret