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It started with phone calls. At first I would answer thinking it was my mom or a friend calling. My X raged on the other end of the line seething with sarcasm, hatred, and threats. I’d hop in my car with my baby, and drive to the police department. At the station, with my daughter… Continue reading Post Traumatic Stress

I haven’t had a night terror in a few years now. And for that I’m very grateful. But when my nights were affected by them, so were my days – I’d exist in an over-tired and exhausted bubble. They would come for many nights in a row, with a growing intensity. Then they’d taper off… Continue reading Night Terrors

They woke me most nights. As I relaxed into my home and surroundings, and felt loved and protected, my sleep changed. The more safe my little family was, the more intense my dream world became. In my day to day living, I had bouts of existing in survival mode. In my outer world I minimized… Continue reading Dreams

A lot of people are confused by words like abuse, domestic violence, and intimate partner violence. I know I was. For me when I thought of abuse it was always physical – shoving, slapping, punching, kicking, choking or worse. Yes, there is worse. Those images were very clear in my mind. But what I experienced… Continue reading Signs

Being in or leaving an abusive relationship is exhausting. I spent my precious life energy tiptoeing around an “overly-sensitive”, “moody”, and “hyper-reactive” partner. That was on his good days. Words that come to mind are: walking on eggshells, hypervigilant, cautious and wary. While I was actively trying to figure out how I could survive, not… Continue reading Exhaustion

Hello Loves, I remember the first shelter. An attentive woman picked me and my daughter up and took us to a safe house. I was exhausted and scared, but knew we were protected. There was an intake process that shook me. It was the point when I truly understood the extent of the abuse I… Continue reading Shelter

Hello Loves, I went out for lunch with my girlfriend and her close friend. My girlfriend’s close friend was in the midst of a separation from her X. Throughout their marriage he had exhibited and acted out anger, aggression, and control of her. She had moved out of their family home and into her own… Continue reading Shame

Hello Loves, I had a long, drawn out custody case fighting for my daughter. Let me tell you one story about it. I asked the judge to appoint a guardian ad litem (GAL) for my child. I wanted her to be protected. A guardian ad litem is a court appointed lawyer that looks after the… Continue reading Guardian Ad Litem

Hello Loves, Being in family court is like being in a play. A tragic play. Like Les Miserables. Everything is an orchestrated act. The court room a grand stage. It starts with the judge, usually a white male, in their special robes dating back seven centuries, in their special chairs, at their elevated desks looking… Continue reading Judges

Hello Loves, Male violence is not biological. It’s cultural. It’s taught by family, friends, schools, communities, work, and society. My X was dominated and controlled within his family. As a child, he was naturally in tune with his feminine self. This was not okay within his family dynamics. Ever. And he was punished for it.… Continue reading Power

Hello Loves, Intimate partner violence has a lot of invisibility to it. This is where not being believed can get challenging and dangerous. This is where significant changes need to be made to laws and the judicial system. It is very hard to prove that domestic violence and abuse has happened. When you are in… Continue reading Proof

Hello Loves, Have you ever judged a woman for not making the best choices? And if they’re a mom, well forget about it. Moms are held at a Buddha-Jesus-Guanyin like level. They are supposed to attain parenting perfection daily. I’ve judged other women for their decision-making skills, even after I was out of an abusive… Continue reading Judgment