*TRIGGER WARNING*
Cause – What happened?
I was in a relationship for about ten years. But I saw behaviors early on. I saw the red flags. My partner was in recovery and as time went on, her behavior was that of a dry drunk. So even though she wasn’t drinking, she still had the behaviors as if she were. Everything with her was just me, me, me, I, I, I, me, me, me, and some more. And I would say there was emotional and financial abuse. Even though I had my own money, my own income. She was not emotionally available to me. I had to get out of the relationship to clearly see that. There was always a crisis. And the crisis was with her. Every day she worked outside of the house and when she came back into the house and she was in the doorway, she took up a lot of space. When she came through that threshold, my shoulders would literally be up to my ears because of dealing with her. She was high maintenance. High fucking maintenance. She just took up a lot of space. Mentally, emotionally, physically. She was very self centered. I was in counseling and the counselor said that what she could tell from me was that I wouldn’t allow friends to treat me this way, so why was I allowing a partner to treat me this way? That was my turning point. I just had enough. My partner kicked me out of our bedroom and threw all of my clothes out. She was trying to physically intimidate me. I refused to engage. It’s been over ten years since I’ve talked to her.
Impact – How did this imapct your life?
It was really, really hard. I was in shock. I knew what had happened but I was still like, what the hell just happened? I stayed away from where she might be. I was very careful. I knew that I was never going back. I was done. It changed me. I’m definetly not as trusting. I think I’m not as open. She was really hard on my head and my heart. Very mean spirited person. I was always on guard. People who knew us said I was very different. That I was not me. She took up that much space.
Healing – How did you heal?
I made a lot of art. And I took off to Mexico and had an adventure. After that I was at an art residency. Then I went back to Mexico to live and I got a dog. I did a lot of things for me. I had a good support system and I had friends.
