My X shared a bed with his pre-teen daughter.
I found this out after I moved in with him. We had picked her up from her mom’s place and went out for dinner. Over bites of pizza, she wanted to know where I was going to sleep in her house. This seemed like a legitimate question, with me being the new family member. There was an awkward moment, then I told her with honesty, that I would be sleeping with her dad.
She honestly let me know, that her Dad’s bed was where she slept. My X stared his daughter down and quickly informed me that she only shared his bed on special occasions. That she mostly slept on the couch while she waited to have her bedroom finished. His daughter replied that she had been waiting for years for him to finish her room, and that the living room was spooky at night, and she preferred his bed.
I tried to grasp hold of this information. His daughter slept with him. For years.
My first thought was that she was way too old to be sleeping with her Dad. And my X’s reaction didn’t give me much comfort. He seemed embarrassed. Once past the shock, I admonished myself with my hasty judgement. We lived in Hawaii. It was the land of hippies and free love. I was sure everyone was practicing co-sleeping and attachment parenting.
My relationship with my X was so fresh, and I was so young, that I didn’t even know how to talk to him about my feelings. I decided to deal with my discomfort over their sleeping arrangement by finishing her bedroom. She soon slept on her own.
I can’t prove that anything inappropriate happened with their sleeping arrangement. But I want to make a note to myself and to you – if something doesn’t feel right, it’s not right for you. Protect your sweet self with your intuition. It always raises the white flag of awareness. It’s up to you to see it.