I still live with regret.
It doesn’t come around often, but when it does, wow does it ever call up sorrow and grief. Then comes the great purging. I get out my journal and write it down. It doesn’t matter if it’s legible. I’m never going to read it again. I’m here for the release. The cleanse. For clear mind. Clear heart. Clear vision.
You can play the “what if” game for all eternity.
What if I had never gone on that spontaneous trip to Hawaii? What if I had not taken up the invite to go to the street party where I was to meet my X? What if I hadn’t gone on that first date with him? What if I’d never went to his house? What if when I went home from my vacation, I never saw him again? How would my life be different?
I wouldn’t have my daughter. That’s a big one. One I wouldn’t change for anything.
What if I hadn’t accepted his invite back to Hawaii? What if I’d known the signs of abuse? What if I’d heeded the red flags? What if I’d left when it was clear what was going on and would continue to go on? What if I had been smarter, and wiser, and braver, and stronger?
When I “what if”, it’s with the knowledge and wisdom I have now.
But I did not have that then. Again, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. And that is what we call life. Each human is on a different journey. A different path. Will it be smooth or rocky? Will it be a straight or windy? Will it be uphill or down? Most likely, it will be all over the place.
You can “what if” yourself to the grave.
But my life has led me to immense discovery about myself and my abilities. It has made me turn inwards to continue the evolution of my soul. My spirit.
I kiss my regret goodbye.