In the beginning my X told me I was beautiful. He was a charmer.
He liked to show me off to his male friends to make them jealous. Like I was his prize. He was twice my age and I was his young thing. He toted me around as his trophy girlfriend.
After the birth of my daughter, and while breast feeding my newborn, he commented on how huge my tits were and that I could be a stripper. I didn’t think it was funny, or sexy, and I didn’t appreciate him fetishizing me. When I finished breast feeding, he told me that I needed to wear a bra all the time because if I didn’t, my tits would sag. Wearing a bra would give me a better chance of them staying perky. He told me he’d given the same advice to his ex-wife and she hadn’t taken it. Now her tits dangled to her belly button. He also told me that his ex-wife was anal-retentive and he thought her dad had molested her. He loved using Freudian psychoanalysis.
He commented on his pre-teen daughter’s body as well, noticing when she was developing and remarking on it, and telling her, when she needed a shower, that she stunk and needed to wash her bum and pussy. I was appalled at his language. I realized later that his unloving relationship with his alcoholic abusive mother must have been the start of when he began to hate women.
In the end, when his abuse escalated and our relationship crumbled apart, he shouted and yelled for the whole world to hear, a slew of derogatory remarks.
You’re a whore!
A fat fucking cow!
A fat fucking hippopotamus with no brains!
A stupid bitch!
So ugly even a dog wouldn’t want to fuck you!
No one should ever talk to you this way. Ever. This seems obvious. I was a strong, proud woman, and still I took it in. This is not something you put up with. Do not rationalize that the person you love is just having a bad day. A bad week. A hard life. There are no excuses.
Love yourself instead. Treat your body with care and admiration. Treat it with dignity and respect. Treat it with affection and devotion. Share it with others who love and admire and are in awe of your exquisiteness.
Pledge allegiance to you.