Hello Loves, I still live with regret. It doesn’t come around often, but when it does, wow does it ever call up sorrow and grief. Then comes the great purging. I get out my journal and write it down. It doesn’t matter if it’s legible. I’m never going to read it again. I’m here for… Continue reading Regret

Hello Loves, The harassment and threats did not stop when I left my X. They only intensified. My daughter and I stayed with friends while I sorted out my next steps. My X cut off all food and money, and went so far as to even cut off his own child’s diaper service. He thought… Continue reading Harrasment and Threats

Hello Loves, My X was mean to his animals. He had two horses that mostly hung out and grazed in the pasture. He gave them the minimum amount of attention to not be considered neglectful. He moved their tether around so they had field grass to eat and water to drink. But they were always… Continue reading Animal Cruelty

Hello Loves, My X physically abused me and my child. This is a really hard part of my life to contend with, aside from the fact that it happened, and this is why – my mind rationalizes that we don’t qualify for being physically abused. That it wasn’t quite physical enough. There were no visible… Continue reading Physical Abuse

Hello Loves, My X was the master of everything. He sold himself as a master gardener, even though he had no formal training, no degree or certificates, and could barely make ends meet with his business or within his own farm. That didn’t matter though, because he could just as easily change that title to… Continue reading Gaslighting

Hello Loves, In the beginning my X told me I was beautiful. He was a charmer. He liked to show me off to his male friends to make them jealous. Like I was his prize. He was twice my age and I was his young thing. He toted me around as his trophy girlfriend. After… Continue reading Body Shaming

Hello Loves, My X’s power and control over me was subtle, until it wasn’t. At first he appointed my friends – women he had dated or were in his community. It felt loving and thoughtful. He didn’t want me to be alone in my new home. But after the birth of my daughter, I branched… Continue reading Progression

Hello Loves, At first I thought it was sweet. I’d driven to a friend’s house and my X called moments after I arrived. He was checking that I got there safely. Then he wanted to know when I would be back. He missed me. He didn’t like sharing me with others. I thought this was… Continue reading Possession

Hello Loves, My X believed he was as smart as any doctor. He had no medical schooling and had dropped out of college. Yet, he always knew better. He thought his hunches were bang on one hundred percent of the time. He carried around with him a brazen disregard for any kind of medical authority.… Continue reading God Complex

Hello Loves, I fell off a horse. I was pretty badly injured. I’d come crashing down onto a cement road, my ankle smashing against it. I was convinced that I’d broken a bone. I managed to get back home. My X examined my swollen and purpling foot and leg like a seasoned doctor. He declared… Continue reading Know-It-All

Hello Loves, I witnessed the first fight. It’s not what you think. It was between my X and his daughter. She had come home from school, hot and cranky. He had forgot to pick her up, and she was mad that she had to make the long walk home. He had actually forgot that she… Continue reading Witness

Hello Loves, I walked in on my X showering with his preteen daughter. Naked. It seemed like I was witnessing a private and yet normal routine. He stood behind her lathering up shampoo on her scalp. A thing she was fully capable of doing for herself. Then he ran his hands down her hair rinsing… Continue reading The Shower