This post was submitted anonymously by a woman working to regain custody of her children.
How to survive battery and violence, look after yourself and your children:
- Cry as much as you need. There is much benefit in weeping.
- Figure out what you can do to help yourself today, each day, and do it.
- Wear fancy underwear – do the little things that bring a hint of pleasure.
- Document, document, document – build and develop a paper trail.
- Account for your weaknesses (i.e. if you are forgetful write yourself notes).
- Ask for help – be direct about the kind of help you need.
- Learn to accept help.
- Say yes to new friends, community, and love.
- Grieve, mourn. Grieve, mourn. Grieve, mourn. Holy fuck, grieve and mourn.
- Get a printer. It’s likely you’ll have a shitload of paperwork to deal with.
- Get/keep a running car if you can afford it. This is an excellent tool towards freedom and speeds up the day (I had so much on my plate I couldn’t afford to lose time).
- Strengthen your body, mind, and soul. Do exercise, do spiritual practice, keep all aspects of yourself strong.
- Allow yourself breaks and time off from problems.
- If you are a ruminator or over-thinker, practice not thinking. Insist on periods of no thinking.
- If the day is too long, break the day down into short periods. Two hour slots help the day go by.
- Do the absolute best you can at parenting. This can strengthen your self-concept as a parent.
- Have people around you who understand the situation, which often calls for people who can hold complexity.
- Locate and go to appropriate resources. Finding a few other people who are dealing with similar stuff can ease the psychic load.
- Make vibrations, sing, vocalize, move, dance – don’t let bad energy get stuck for too long. Noise making facilitates health.
- Make your bed each day. Apply beauty and order where you can.
- Find your spiritual practice. Often these communities can handle and hold grief.
- Help others, as this helps with sense of self, and keeps us real in the world.
- Tell yourself 10 things that you are grateful for or enjoyed each day. Even in the shittiest days there are 10 gems.
- Find activities that meet your level of stress. I found crunches and planks met the police trauma and legal terror I experienced. Do you have a story to share? I would love to hear from you. Comment below, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or mail me a letter at PO Box 3331 Mission B.C. V2V 4J5 Canada
Anonymous Part Two